Pitfall

I got married a-month-and-a-half ago now. Not like most of the bride-to-be, it wasn’t a dream wedding for me. Prolly because it fell short in formulation, in planning and in preparedness. A whirlwind process they say. Wherein everything is premature so to speak. Nevertheless, it was a good day to celebrate with the people close to our hearts. This post isn’t about my wedding though. Maybe one day, I’ll pen it down in detail.

Marriage is incomparable to walking down the aisle teary-eyed watching everyone looking at you with admiration. It is just the beginning. And the whole picture is way so much bigger than that. It is a long and winding road to take instead. Ironically, it is actually the only road you never want to end. Each stop over will lead you to realizations whilst every destination is a life lesson.

At some point you’ll get pretty exhausted and want to rest. That’s where the most needed stopover takes in. But then two hours later, you both get up, shrugg off and most ready to kick-start again.

Or at times you reached the destination only to be disappointed because turned out it wasn’t really what you’re expecting. This is where you carefully thought of everything. Are you gonna settle for what’s right in front of you? Compromise perhaps? Or are you willing to move further until you’ll find somewhere that suits you exactly?

My marriage, as early as now, is going through a pitfall. Too many harmful inexcusable words spoken, too many persons involved and too many abrupt cuts and immortal wounds left open. It is unnecessary to spill everything out here. Still I can’t hold off myself feeling low and dispirited. Sure we are trying to work it out but how when I, myself, is no longer okay? Not a cushy job, yes. Almost giving up yet finding littlest possible reason to hang on. Now, I am leaving everything all up to the one above.

Tomorrow is left unseen and the future isn’t promised. Whatever the outcome will be, I am truly grateful for people who had been my core of strength especially my family and my friends (you know who you are). I take full responsibility of my actions. My only regret is that I have hurt and been hurting those who genuinely cared for me and stayed with me for all the decisions I took risk of choosing and doing so.

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